Monday, August 23, 2010

Kink 101, Part 6: Safely Expressing Extreme Fetishes

This is the sixth in a six part series on kink. In this series, we have discussed the following topics:
8/16: Introduction to kink
8/17: Sadomasochism
8/18: Dominance and Submission
8/19: Abuses of Power
8/20: Your Kink Is OK
8/21: Safely Expressing Extreme Fetishes

When we are young, we intuitively understand that value and versatility of make believe. Somewhere during the course of growing up, we set aside this "childish thing" and live firmly in the world of the real. When we cross "make believe" with kink, we get sexual role play.

Role play is exactly what it sounds like, each partner takes on some kind of role and acts it out sexually. Sometimes it is something simple and amusing, like naughty nurse and patient. It is a pleasant excuse to get a little bit away from the norm. It could give the participants a chance to play roles that they do not usually get to in real life, like the high powered executive taking on the role of gardener seducing the lady of the house or a construction worker playing the executive with his secretary.

Some couples enjoy role playing a pick up, where they will go to a bar and pretend to meet for the first time and go home like a couple hooking up for a one night stand. They could even play with themes of cheating, playing with the excitement of doing something forbidden, exorcising the desire to stray without ever leaving the relationship.

Role play can even be an opportunity to act out scenes which would be somehow objectionable in real life, either due to impropriety, danger, or even physical impossibility.

Before continuing, I would like to refer back to last week's post on "Your Kink is Okay." In that post, I discussed the fact that a person's desires are the result of their experiences, upbringing, and other factors beyond their control. What a person desires is simply a fact of their mind which no one should judge. As long as their expression of their desires is safe, sane, and consensual, their kink is just as okay as any other.

Emily says: One guy I was with was quite aroused by the idea of choking a girl out. Of course, he knew that was terribly dangerous and should not really be done, but he told me one day that it turned him on. I suggested that we could role play it. His idea of role play was naughty nurse kind of stuff. He'd never though of using role play for this. We role played it out. He pretended to choke me and I pretended to struggle and pass out. I thought that I was just doing it to make him happy, but it turned out that the feeling of losing control like that, even pretending, without having to worry about safety issues was quite a turn-on.

Emily's story is an example of using role play to satisfy a desire that could not be safely expressed otherwise. However,  Emily's partner was quite satisfied by the simulation, as was Emily herself. His interest was not in the fact of choking someone but in the reactions, the emotions, and the intensity of it, which are just as satisfying in simulation as real life. It also has the advantage of not being immoral and illegal.

Many people in the kink world have even more extreme desires than Emily's partner, and many of them find satisfaction in role play. If a person found the innocence of youth arousing, they could role play it with a partner of legal age acting and dressing like someone underage. If a person was aroused by lethal violence, they could role play it in a safe environment with a partner playing the role of a victim.

An individual who has desires which cannot be acted out safely could talk to her partner to get to the root of what it is about the fetish which really turns the person on. Perhaps it is the sense of total domination, extreme submission, irresponsibility, or simplicity which appeals to the person. Whatever it is, a scene can be crafted to focus specifically on those areas. Role play gives the participants the opportunity to custom write their own life-action pornography and live it for real.

While the underlying desires that are satisfied by this kind of role playing are the sort that could lead an unbalanced person to commit offenses to law and morality, used in role play, these desires can be the fuel that drives scenes of great intensity and satisfaction for both partners.

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