Friday, August 13, 2010

Is Finding Someone Luck or Something Else?

In honor of Friday the 13th, I thought that an article on luck and dating might be appropriate.

There are two things that I have studied a great deal: relationship and sales. I have found that the two areas are remarkably similar. Both are about building a relationship with someone. Both are based on honesty and integrity. In both, success often seems like luck but is often luck brought about by wise choices.

Before the angry comments come in, let me say that I think of sales a noble profession, and I believe that an honorable salesperson works with a customer to fulfill their needs, not to empty their pockets. Likewise, an honorable person seeking an emotional, or even physical, connection seeks to give something to someone they meet, not take something from them.

It is particularly similar when comparing finding a partner to sales. When one is trying to build a successful sales career, one must approach the situation with confidence, a good idea of what one is looking for, and a conviction that one will be successful. Sound familiar?

I am not saying that one should go out hunting, picking out a mate like a quarry, heading out to the club to make the kill. I am also not saying that one does not ever meet a great partner by total random chance. What I am saying is that there are some people out there who seem to "have all the luck" in finding people, but for these people, luck is very little of it.

Casanova says: I am not the best looking man in any club I attend. I am not even always the smoothest, but I am the most confident. I know that I will not go home disappointed, and so I do not.

A good salesperson cannot imagine the possibility of having the thought of considering that someone might not want the product that they are selling. Those people who "have all the luck" tend to have this attitude as well. It's not cockiness. That doesn't work and is a terrible turn off. Think of it this way: when you approach someone with whom you have a relationship, you are not nervous. Why not? No fear of rejection. You know how they are going to respond. If you have confidence in your own appeal, then the fear of rejection is greatly diminished. If you cannot imagine the person you are interested in saying no, then it is quite likely that they will not either.

On the other hand, if you have been single for a while and are unhappy about it, you might start thinking of yourself as being in a "dry spell". If you are thinking of yourself as being in a dry spell, then you will present that to people you meet. When you meet someone who might be interested in you, you project to them all the reasons why they might want to reject you. On the other hand, if you get up and say "this dry spell is over!" and you believe it, you will be surprised how "lucky" you can be.

1 comment:

  1. Just as there are many different sales strategies (and philosophies), there are multiple ways to find a date.

    Some are better than others, to be sure.

    Please don't go spamming all the ladies in the club with indiscriminate grinding.

    Don't relentlessly hawk your wares in inappropriate places; let her use the stair machine in peace.

    Follow up. Treat yesterday's clients with as much respect as you gave them before they emptied their wallet. In other words, don't be a ****.

    And while it's true that you make your own luck, sometimes the difference between success and larger-than-life wild success is being in the right place in the right time.