Sunday, August 15, 2010

What Does That Video Have That I Don't?

As you know, I love to write articles by request. It is a way that I can be sure that at least one person will be interested in reading it, and it makes it easier to come up with topics. One request I received recently was to write about why people should not be threatened by their partner using sex toys and porn. Today's post will speak to women about their male partners partaking of pornography, and yesterday's spoke to men about their female partners using sex toys.

Mrs. Jennings says: I caught my husband looking at porn once. It was totally disgusting. I don't know why he'd want to look at that stuff when he has me at home. What does that filth have that I don't?

What Mrs. Jennings does not understand is that everyone has fantasies of one kind or another. Perhaps Mr. Jennings fantasizes about doing things that Mrs. Jennings is not interested in doing. Maybe he has a thing for Asian women, or two Asian women at a time. Until Mrs. Jennings becomes a pair of Asian women, she will have trouble satisfying that particular desire.

Mrs. Jennings might be upset that her husband is going elsewhere to satisfy his sexual needs. She might also be offended by the fact that his needs are "strange".

However, it is important to understand that, much like sexual orientation, fetishes and desires are often not choices. For most people, their deepest, darkest desires are beyond their control, the result of life experience and psychology. It is only what they do with them that they can really control. Can a person subvert their desires? They can, but sometimes at the cost of serious frustration. That frustration can lead to resentment in time, if her husband comes to feel that he had to give up his desires to be with her.

There is a belief that pornography sets up unreasonable expectations in a relationship. In reality, the desires are usually already there, even if it is simply the desire to take a roll in the hay with a different partner once in a while. Pornography creates an outlet for them. The only issue comes up if the viewer of the porn does not realize that porn takes some liberties with reality. News flash: fantasy is different from reality.

Pornography is a way for him to satisfy his desires in a way that does not ask Mrs. Jennings to do anything that she is not comfortable and does not require her husband to go outside the relationship. The important thing to understand is that no one person will ever completely satisfy every single need and desire of their partner. However, there are ways that each person can get their needs met.

A couple can also use pornography as a way to open lines of communication on their desires. They can watch it together, and possibly use it as a starting point for discussions on their interests. A couple might find themselves quite surprised by how many "strange" fetishes they may have in common.

Pornography is an outlet for unfulfilled desires that allows those who partake of it to satisfy fantasies while still remaining within the bounds of the relationship.

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