Sunday, July 25, 2010

More Than One Way...

When Suzie was younger, she had a quandary.

Suzie Says: There was this guy that I really liked. I wanted to fool around with him, but I was still a virgin, and I wanted to remain that way. I really didn't know what to do for him so that he would not feel like he was missing out by being with me.

The common first response to this is that he should be satisfied with her because their relationship is worth more than just a physical experience. This is a wonderful sentiment, and for some people it works very well. Unfortunately, many people, male and female, may feel that they are missing out on something if they are not going all the way, so to speak.

Joe says: I don't get what's so complicated here. You get the girl, you lick here and touch there until she's all warmed up and ready, then you stick it in and do your thing. Bing! Bang! Boom! Everyone has a good time. What more is there?

Joe illustrates a common way of thinking, that of sexual relations being a linear activity. First base, second base, third base, HOME!

Linear View of Sex
This is a common way of thinking among high school boys, but, unfortunately, this kind of thinking often stays with people throughout their lives. Indeed, many sexual encounters follow a fairly linear structure, but if one is simply driving towards to goal, there is a lot to miss out on. Nowhere is it more true than in the bedroom that life is a journey, not a destination.

On the other hand, even the most journey-oriented man would like to eventually reach the orgasmic goal, especially if the gentleman is sexually experienced and has grown accustomed to sexual encounters resulting in sex.

Fortunately, there is more than one road to Rome. What if, instead of the linear form that we looked at above, we consider a more open way of thinking about physical intimacy...

Expanded View of Sex
This graphic is not exactly to scale, and many of the activities on there can occur at various levels of intensity, but the point is that there is a lot more to it that just warming up and getting it on. Some people have intense, satisfying, even orgasmic experiences without any traditional form of "getting off." Some can do with with stimulation like flogging, spanking, bondage, and wrestling.

Even if you are not ready for or interested in kinkier activities or kink at that level of intensity, you can see that there are a great many ways that you can culminate your encounter. No matter if you are a virgin or well experienced, you may find that having a variety of options to choose from will keep things interesting and exciting for a long time to come.

After reading this, Joe might conclude that, with all those options, there is no excuse not to finish the job. Joe would be mistaken. No one is ever obligated to do anything that they are not comfortable with in the sexual context. Anyone can stop anytime that they like. My only point in this article is that there are more options available than one might think, and that if one is not comfortable with one option, another may be more comfortable.

I would be remiss if I did not share with you the best visual representation of the "baseball analogy" before signing off:

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